How much of Personal Growth is enough?

Just some ten days ago there was a group of twenty of us, many who were life and leadership coaches, who met with me and explored personal growth with the Enneagram. To begin with I would say they were all in good shape. None of them were unhealthy or anything. In fact, they were all wonderful men and women. They all had certain challenges in life after which they took to personal growth and chose the Enneagram because it was a powerful tool.

The first one was a woman who is assertive and stands the ground in her relationships. Such people are usually based on their body. She is a doer and has a certain energy about her. Interestingly she said she had developed a heart and has an interest in service. That summarized her transformation. But curiously she said she felt like proving to the people around her that she could be successful in the real world. So despite the inner work she had done she is still under some need to show of her capability.

The second one, who was a man had had lots of success in the world. His business worked. But he confided that he hadn’t grown personally in spite of his professional success. This raises the question of what is growth after all? He had some fear and possibly some attachment. But fortunately, he was involved with the Enneagram and wanted to explore it more and align it with his professional development.

The third one was a very confident woman sure about so many things. She said she was intelligent, even emotionally and had success with bringing projects to her workplace. She said she was giving and compassionate and wanted respect. She said she liked herself a lot. She, however, said people see her as a threat. That was very revealing. She also said she would speak softly and gently if someone were strong and powerful. To me there was a lot of potential in her. There is so much she might be capable of but is certainly not meeting what is possible. She had grown a lot but still had some distance to cover.

One woman said she teaches young people and is capable of unconditional love and felt the Enneagram was so helpful. To her I said, it sounds good but is the growth vertical or horizontal? Horizontal, I added, is relatively short lived. It comes and goes. It is the vertical that is more powerful. I said that the ego is highly diluted in vertical development. It is more permanent.

The last example is also an interesting one. Born into a military family, she had some obstacles in her life. She took to personal growth and found she was transforming into a “heart person” from an instinctual type. Interestingly she said she was getting help from her daughter who embraces heart qualities. She argued that transformation occurs only through conscious effort. I said it is the other way around. It happens without our realizing it. We can only understand forms and divisions and the change happens on its own. I asked her not to agree or disagree but to think about it.